When sex is no longer sexy

I would sure like to have a crystal ball that gives me insight into people’s brains, into our dreams, my dreams. Wouldn’t it save us tons of money on doctors, therapists, and meds if we could understand earlier on in the journey who we are and what makes us tick?

What is it with recurrent dreams? What is the point of rehearsing in our head a chapter of our lives that will forever remain inconclusive no matter how many endings we dream to that old story? It is not like we can change its outcome by our subconscious playing out different scenarios on different nights. And yet, the brain regurgitates that same chain of events over and over. To what end? There has to be a point to so much time of our lives consumed by an alternate reality where things pan out differently to what actually took place; where we are offered a glimmer of hope that those chapters of our lives we resent, do not define us, because there is still a chance to act differently, to explore new choices.

My most recurrent dream is one where I enter into a sexually charged relationship with an ex-boyfriend with whom I never even held hands or kissed. We were extremely attracted to each other. That is what brought us together in the first place. The chemistry was tangible, but we were a couple of very shy and inexperienced youngsters, not ready to handle what would have unfolded, had we let our passions run free. Unfortunately, we lived in different cities during the winter, and so our only form of contact was the occasional meet up and frequent letters, which did not help matters. Eventually, our determination to make it work dimmed and what initially was countless promising sparks between us grew into dynamite threatening to explode with every exchange. Frustrated and heartbroken I broke it off in the end, because I could not bear him flirting with other girls in front of me in an attempt to ignite my desire so I would be the one to take that first step. He went on to meet another older more experienced woman who clearly initiated him into the wonders of sex within a loving committed relationship. Indeed, he married her and lived happily ever after or so I hear. I am not saying sex cannot be fantastic outside a relationship. I am just saying personally, I reach worthier heights when the connection is both spiritual and physical, when the souls as well as the bodies are harmoniously intertwined. Sex for the sake of sex is as exciting to me as drinking water when I am thirsty, frankly. We met up many years later and though we were both married with kids by then, one brief but intense interlocking of our eyes is all it took for me to know he wondered as much as I did what if we had both behaved differently. I deeply believe in spiritual connection and I am no clairvoyant, but I am pretty certain I appear in his dreams as often as he in mine.

That was back in the 80s when sex was still a ‘sacred thing’ a special ritual that happened between people who felt an inexplicable bond, an unstoppable urge to fuse into one; to be one and the same, if only for a few exceptional moments. These days, sex is all around us, is forced upon us; trading in sex has even become a widely accepted profession for so many. It is no longer a case of I resort to prostitution because I cannot make ends meet any other way, because I cannot sustain myself and those dependent on me any other way. Sex sells and it is easy to shop for it and make considerable money from it pretty effortlessly and quickly. Unfortunately though, it is not just pushed on to those who want to consume it or buy it, but forced on us wherever we look, wherever we are. This is particularly apparent in the entertainment industry and social media. It is not longer a question of personal choice but of forcefulness, of manipulating the herd into certain behavioural patterns and morals or lack of; normalizing even amongst our youngest what should be something special and wonderful in its uniqueness.

I missed the ‘sanctity’ that used to go hand in hand with the process of meeting someone and falling in love, or maybe just discovering each other emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Now it is all so void of any romance, any mystery, any longevity, in essence of any meaning. We trade partners like we change socks and values like trust, respect, humility, gentleness, kindness, honesty have all become dinosaurs too frightened to rear their heads in a world moving so fast, consuming it all so fast, even each other, that one wonders what humanity will do next to satisfy its ravenous appetite for indulgence and self satisfaction.

Is there anything sacred any more?

18 thoughts on “When sex is no longer sexy

  1. jummurphy

    Firstly, very well written, of course, and as usual!

    Interesting recurring dream you have, I wonder what it means. I don’t remember most of my dreams, and I don’t think they’re recurring. However my most recent dream involved me being at my childhood home, sleeping there on my own. I woke up as the house was broken into and ransacked. I didn’t get to sleep again for a long time after that! I’ve no idea what that dream means.

    I’m glad I’m older and that I lived in the era where sex meant something, and was amazing with that special one. Rest assured that trust, respect, humility, gentleness, kindness and honesty are all still important to some people, although not as many as I’d like.

    Yes, what happens next with humanity!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Doug! You are very kind. I think I know what the dream means but I’m not yet ready to share it. Thank you for sharing your dream too. I’ll ponder on that one. There’s always a meaning, of that I’m convinced. x

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      1. Philip Lynn

        What a wonderful story. I’ve only been in love once and it wasn’t with my wife. I’m too old to have regrets but I frequently think I had more to offer and settled for second best.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Anthea Rogers

    Thank you for writing this – I can relate to much of it and I loved the way you highlighted the spiritual need within us for connection with our intimate partners.

    Our brains challenge us even when we sleep; unresolved questions revolve like doors…. to what end? Maybe there just are no answers? As humans we crave certainty and completeness – what lies unresolved deep in our subconscious then plagues us night after night.

    I wonder if acknowledging this helps us to gain peace and forgiveness for what we look back on with the benefit of hindsight.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Anthea. Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving me a comment. I’d love to think your conclusion on last paragraph is true but if we gained peace and forgiveness, our subconscious would not continue to bring back the same issues over and over. Maybe the point of such repetition is to release the pressure, the negativity about ourselves which tortures us secretly whilst we are awake.

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  3. Erik Rasmussen

    Well written, it expresses both the ideas discussed as their personal relevance in a strong way, and it was a story comfortable to slide in to as a reader.

    Funny enough it was well after I became an atheist, that I started to appreciate spirituality as let’s say a premium supscription to life. I agree that the wonderful things of life become even brighter if we experience them with all of our senses and for me that includes using the multiple, often specialised parts of the brain simultaneously, even in our dreams.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Erik. Thank you for stopping by and kindly leaving me a comment. Spirituality and religion are to very different animals. One is freeing, the other enslaving. Your ‘specialised parts of the brain’ bit intrigues me.

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  4. Rikki Murray

    Hi there ! , my very first reply to a blog ! Woohoo ! I’m just a newbie , a virgin blogger replier ??? If that’s such a thing ? So please be gentle , if I don’t get things right ? Terminology and all that jazz ?
    But reading your little writings , I do tend to agree with you that love and in particular sex and sexual relationships have become “cheapened” in modern society , it’s become as easy as buying a pint of milk!
    Before the courage of the build up to get ready to go out, get dressed to stand out in the crowd , or perhaps not too – but in the hope somebody you liked would take notice of you , across a dance floor or a crowded pub .
    The anguish and pain inside , thinking of something to say in the split crucial seconds of doing the long, long walk to go across the room , with the impression of a single spot light above your head and hushed room with following eyes , in the hope you can land the killer sentences that will land the man or woman of your dreams !
    Nowadays , that burden of the ” walk ” is no longer a corpse round your neck , it’s as easy as buying a pint of milk ! Just tap open your phone and swipe left or right !
    I’m jealous to be honest , I wish I could of had that super power at my finger tips , but its made todays generation , more expectant that things like love and sex can come as easy as an being an X factor finalists , as easy as googling it ! No years of honed skills and rejection !
    Instantaneous, has contributed to the lack of connection and understanding , because – if in another words “I quickly of met you I can as easily ditch you and find another one – and move on and move on ….”
    Sex as you put it has lost its class and sass , the “chase ” , the fear , trepidation , triumph and connection has been diluted down to as easy as ABC – with the tap on a keyboard – In conclusion meeting with genuine people with connection and loving their foibles in the real world devoid of algorithms is sadly something we can only dream of now ! 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Rikki. Nice to make your acquaintance and thank you so much for stopping by and leaving me your two cents. I love it when others give me feedback on what I write about. I agree with everything you say.

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  5. LT

    “void of any romance, any mystery, any longevity, in essence of any meaning” This line strikes me as your dream has these qualities but there could have been more? And your mind keeps trying to reach further? Meanwhile, the shift in relationships today makes it so hard to find new meaningful relationships with the above essences? And more frighteningly, might be the state some present long-term relationships have shifted to?

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