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Love trumps hate but Trump trumps it all

The unthinkable has finally happened. The most progressive country in the world which has always looked down on the rest of the world from a moral high ground has finally been blinded by its vanity, like Narcissus, and lost its moral compass. The pillar upon which sacred values such as democracy, freedom, ethics, equality, and justice have stood for hundreds of years; that lofty blue, red and white pillar, which so proudly stood on that hill beaming its light upon so many other modern, forward nations, has cracked irreparably and collapsed calamitously. That exemplary pillar, that Holy Grail for so many other countries is now a mess of pulverised concrete that is good for nothing; from which nothing can ever be rebuilt with the same fortitude ever again. And yet, who knows? Maybe, just maybe, the world in its cosmic, natural wisdom needs such biblical cataclysm in order to create a better version of itself, like a forest consumed by fire which births its most luscious trees yet from such lifeless ashes. Sometimes the damage is so engrained, so deeply spread, that the only way forward is absolute eradication, and a historical event such as this is the catalyst needed to make it happen.

Humanity has finally reached that inflection point of no return. The sacred lines between good and evil have been erased; the ancient scroll of human dos and don’ts, which hundreds of generations have built their lives upon and which we have always relied on to tell humans apart from animals, has gone up in smoke. We have utterly forsaken thousands of years of world-wide ancient philosophies which are the backbone of modern society as we know it. We have trampled upon the sacrifice that millions of people have made before us so that we could lead lives that honoured truth, goodness, equality, humility, hard work, respect, love, and the best traits that any human is capable of and should strive for during their time on this earth.

It is tragically ironic that it is the very democracy that we so greatly uphold which has led us to this very delicate moment in human history. What hope does the world have, when a nation that has for the most part represented the gold standard of economic success, technological advancement, industrial progress, forward thinking, inclusivity, ethical superiority and freedom, deviates so far from its grass roots and chooses as its ruler a convicted criminal; when a nation exercises its fundamental right to choose and chooses to turn a blind eye to corruption, racism, sexual misconduct, misogyny, xenophobia, bigotry, greed…? The list goes on and on and on. One only has to do a little bit of research online to learn that Trump is a bad apple and the only way to stop rot spreading is to cut it out or it will infect everything and everyone around it.

Whether you are a believer or not, one must acknowledge that the Bible as so many other ancient sacred books, is packed full of wisdom and incredibly practical teachings. One of my favourites is ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’ Oh, how painfully true this is in today’s USA. If a man bypasses his morals to achieve his goals, that man has nothing. If a man bypasses his morals for a more comfortable life, that man has set himself to fail sooner or later. I categorically respect the political views on either side of this monumental divide. I truly do, but when the most powerful nation in the world bypasses its moral standards in order to rapidly secure a more comfortable standard of living, a better economy, a fairer society, more international control, more widespread healthcare, a better defence, etc, is no different to a man who needs a heart transplant to survive and in his desperation chooses to fatally shoot himself in order to make that heart available. A nation voting a criminal into office, refusing to look truth in the eye, openly disregarding impunity, culpability, evidence, justice, is a nation condemned to come undone, condemned to failure and self-destruction.

Worse still is the effect that the decision to put a criminal in such incredibly powerful position will have on the stability of the rest of the world. So many other nations currently observe these apocalyptic events unfold gasping in utter incredulousness, in utter terror. How will the rest of democratic countries, the Western World be able to look evil corrupt world leaders and countries in the eye and exert any kind of influence upon them to prevent further holocausts, genocide, wars, atrocities, when the biggest democracy in the world has put on its pedestal a man who is above justice, above the law, above any kind of morality; a man who says ‘Many people have told me that God spared my life for a reason, and that reason was to save our country and to restore America to greatness, and now we are going to fulfil that mission together.’? Be very wary of a man who starts his mandate, be it on national politics or any other public arena, by saying things along the lines of ‘God told me to….’ Be wary of men who claim to have God’s endorsement to get away with the most heinous of crimes, lies and corruption. Be wary of false prophets; of wolves that come in sheep’s clothing. They are ruthless, they will stop at nothing; they will trample and destroy everything in their way to achieve their goals and they will do it at any cost. They will do it because they know they have come this far and nothing and no one has been able to stop them. They will turn families against families; they will turn society against itself, and they will bring it down on its knees until there is not one person standing.

History is or should be the best teacher, but we are flawed as a species, and we seem unable to retain the lessons already learnt from the past. When we give unfathomable power to an evil man, we are fostering impunity and a free-for-all attitude; we are undermining the human rights which underpin societies and help them thrive and flourish.; we are foolishly and irresponsibly drinking the poisoned chalice that will ultimately bring about our demise.

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When our hearts become impenetrable

The last few weeks have been nothing short of a psychological study for me on twitter. I did not set out to do one, but psychology found me, swept me up in this whirlwind of human need, and I simply could not just watch it all happen and ignore it.

Throughout this whole process, I have screamed, I have ached and cried inconsolably. I have laughed, felt overjoyed, been loved and rejected all at once within the same day. I have despaired and felt waves of stormy anger and frustration engulf me whole. I have been reminded by well-intended friends that social media is a tricky and ferocious animal to handle; that none of it is real and nothing is what it seems, and yet, this advice came at the hands of those who breathe in social media the moment they wake up and do not stop to exhale its poisonous, dubious air until their head hits that pillow. Any advice is rendered ineffective if those giving it conduct themselves in a way that disproves their own wisdom. Of course Social Media is real; a parallel reality it may be, but a reality nevertheless. Its deceitful, pantomime-like and bordering on sinister dark corners, often remind me of a Venetian Carnival where people hide behind the most alluring and exquisite of masks to reinvent themselves and step beyond the boundaries of what they would never contemplate doing or saying in real life. The mask however does not alter the person behind it, not really. It may appear so for a while, but eventually one can truly see the gaze behind the glamour and the glitter; the cracks seeping out past traumas, deep hurts and weakening fears that though deeply hidden, betray our newly found identity & automatically exclude us from the romanticism and Utopian mirage of the Masquerade Ball.

There is much that remains a mystery to me about human behaviour, but I have been able to draw some conclusions from my interaction with a number of people on twitter. Most of all, I have been able to find truth as we often do, by simply stepping away and like a fly on a wall, watch it all unfold; letting individuals show their true character and betray their own perceived integrity when they thought no one was really paying any attention.

I have learnt that at an age when we have all the gadgets and the gizmos, when we can be on the other side of the world on the same day and social media dominates and dictates the lives of so very many, never has our need to feel included and loved been greater. There is an impossibly achy loneliness abounding in the secret chambers of the virtual world. Society, even pre-Covid, has been bleeding out and failing to live up to its definition, because the social element has been abducted from right under our feet and a poor substitute has made islands of each and everyone of us trying to find ourselves and each other. The most alarming element of this phenomenon is the fact that most of us have loving families around us and a network of friends or support of one kind or another and yet, we are the lost faces in a multitudinous crowd crying out for acknowledgement, begging to be heard and understood. There is a desperate need to matter at a time when circumstances have made us finally acknowledge that in the scale of things, between the now and the beyond, we truly matter very, very little, and so we gasp desperately trying to hold on to some sort of significance. The more we realise we are but a grain of sand on the beach, the more egotistical and self-centered we become; the more we veer towards mob mentality instead of accepting each person on their own merit and essence. And of course, the power of social media is boundless and so trends that dominate on the virtual world, irremediably feed into our daily lives, our homes, and ultimately our surroundings. Before we know it, we are turning our society into the most inhospitable place there ever was; an Eden made into a hell, and it is all of our own making.

I have also learnt that at a time when we have more resources than ever; when we are potentially more powerful than ever; we are the weakest beings we have ever been. We lack backbone and deeply rooted convictions. We would rather be a Judas than a Peter; we need to be all things to all people in order to find worth, instead of remembering that it is our uniqueness and not our tribal ancestry that defines us and sets us aside to pursue our own purpose; to make that small difference that no one else can make. We have become cowards that hide behind the group instead of standing on our own two feet when we see injustice, lies and witch-hunts. Our morality and creed blow whichever way the wind takes them. We are chameleons that change colour depending on who is watching. We take a side in an argument with our words but then our actions discredit the very point we have just made. We are in essence regressing to a herd mentality where the blind is leading the blind; where leadership stems from popularity as opposed to integrity tested in the furnace of adversity and going it alone.

I have learnt, and this is the one that has broken me the most, that there are individuals who are indeed beyond rescue. I had two uncles who committed suicide, but I have always believed that what led them to such an unthinkable tragic end was probably a lack of a supportive network or adverse circumstances. Well, I have encountered on twitter individuals who by their own admission are rotten apples, messed up and broken; they hurt others because they simply do not know how to be any other way; they carry deep scars from the past and open wounds that are beyond healing. They look up to people who are no longer around, and they live their lives through their eyes instead of their own. I have learnt that no matter how much light you see still shining within that person; no matter how clear you see the path that they need to follow, nothing will change until they make a decision themselves to break loose from their ghosts and their demons. I have learnt that being rejected by such individuals is not a reflection of my inability to be loved or accepted by them but rather their dismal failure to love, accept and forgive themselves.

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The butterfly that never was

Her ship had sailed once again. “Lord, why do I keep doing this to myself? When will you give me enough courage?”, she desperately asked out loud. The walls of her house so downcast, so worn with always hearing the same lament echoing through them. Verity stood on that achingly familiar imaginary dock as she sat round the kitchen table, gazing at the intensely alluring horizon with a choking lump on her throat at the crucifying realisation that for the hundredth time she had come in touching distance of embarking on the trip of a lifetime to her promised Shangri-La. Once again, however, she had also boycotted her own free pass to a new life; a new birth; a fresh journey of discovery through which there would be for the very first time in ages, no baggage, no plans or expectations, neither resentment nor unforgiveness, no limits, just a glimmer of hope with every sunset; a nugget of opportunity to soar with every breath taken in aided by the sea breeze. She had once again subconsciously but without fail, aligned every detail of her life in such a way that yes, she would allow herself to play the game of abiding by the fire of longing, like a moth round a flame, but always with the paralyzing certainty that this ‘Odyssey of Freedom’ game she had invented, would, as it always did, come to a sore end, and that she would lose and she would lose big.

She had already resigned herself years ago to be denied a life free of duty and expectation; a life that exponentially gains momentum when not lived just for others, owed to others, shaped by others. She had given up on that a long time ago. What really buried her soul like a ton of granite and wilted it one depth further at a time; what truly permanently anchored her feet, was the painful admission that there was nothing and no one really standing in her way to entering the God-inspired life she felt so inexplicably drawn to. The only thing stopping Verity from living her unique and undeniable truth was simply herself, her paralising fear and inexcusable lack of courage.

Like an addiction, she repeatedly enjoyed embarking on that imaginary trip of the what ifs and the maybes, pushing the boundaries of acceptable possibilities and controlled risks; reaching her ecstasy but always knowing that no matter how far she pushed, how far she ventured out, when the hybrid game of fusing day dreaming and reality came to its end, she would always find herself firmly stood on that dock, defeated, ashamed, frustrated, but at least loved and validated by those whose own illusory Shangri-La depended on Verity never truly taking that final step forward from the punishing dock toward the unequaled promised land of self-discovery and self-fulfillment. A land which she had convinced herself was only destined for the truly great.

The ugly truth

This is not going to be my usual post deep in reflection but rather more of a diary entry where I get to vent out in my own safe ‘private’ space. Life is strange these days. We are in a kind of Covid limbo where we are neither in motion again nor stationary. What is that state? How does one acclimatise to an undefined existence where it is risky to get going but equally dangerous to stay put?

Work is picking up for us in the office which is great, but it just means that we are falling into the old patterns of our daily existence being driven by the frenzy of new orders. The daily walk which was so therapeutic and refreshing has now reverted back to a chore that needs to be gotten out of the way so that we can spend more time doing the real meaningless chores and be more (or rather less) productive at work.

Throughout the day I often go to twitter for a bit of respite. I encounter fantastic humour there, really interesting people too and I love how most feel they have the freedom to say what they are really thinking and not the measured responses that we often give face to face, because we feel we need to restrain ourselves or else we may come across as human. Perish the thought! Having said that, sometimes that very same veil which gives others a mask to hide behind, can be the sword that cuts both ways. If you are observant enough, if you are patient enough and look closely enough, you realise that whilst some can use that veil of anonymity to propel them into sincerity, there are others who abuse the freedom that such invisible curtain gives them and choose to give an impression of being who they are in order to gain your trust, use you and discard you afterwards.

I am a sucker for honesty and transparency. Deception on the other hand curdles my blood and turns me inside out. People who give compliments because they want something from you and as soon as they realise they are not getting it, forget you even exist, are for me subhuman, if I am honest. Trusting another human being is completely exhausting, but what really wears my soul down is when you believe someone has a genuine interest in who you are as a person only to discover soon after it was all an act. They don’t offer friendship to see what they can do for you but rather they understand friendship only in terms of what you can do for them. It is the new shopping trend. Do what you have to do, use whichever tactic you need to successfully shop for more followers or individuals you can use to satisfy your own needs. Be all things to all people and lose your soul and your heart in the process seems to be today’s new mantra. At what point did the notion of integrity become obsolete, unfashionable, unnecessary?

I used to believe in the kindness of strangers but I am becoming increasingly disillusioned with such prospect. We are so blinded by a culture of consumerism, we stop at nothing in our frenzy and greed, not even other human beings. We chew them, suck up the life out of them and we spit them back out when there’s nothing left for us! We change our alliances and whom we give favour to like we change clothes everyday. The dehumanization of the human species is not far ahead if you ask me.

What do you know? What was meant as a diary entry has turned into another heavy rant. Well, this is me, warts and all! Come back at your own peril.