Category: Compassion

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Then they came for ME!

On By aconstanttlearnerIn benjamin-netanyahu, bullies, Compassion, Conscience, Control, Deception, dehumanization, Democracy, donald-trump, Ethics, exposure, False Prophets, Freedom, Greed, International Law, iran, Power, Rule of Law, Uncategorized, war-crimes, world-dominationLeave a comment

I am so angry today at the world at large but particularly angry with the people of the United States. Where are the millions of voices crying out with outrage and utter contempt for the actions conducted by their president who tramples on without any kind of impunity or accountability? Is America blind? Is America deaf? Where are America’s historically self-praised backbone and moral compass? Whatever happened to the constitutional principles of individual liberty and rule of law refined and polished by the hellish fires of a devastating civil war and hundreds of thousands of deaths? Can the American people truly go on about their daily lives every morning when they look in the mirror and see a human being who is allowing their elected representative to blatantly and unapologetically disregard centuries of lawmaking and law-abiding by countless nations which are trying desperately to preserve not individual but the world’s best interests? Teamwork has always made the dream work. When we are in it for ourselves and ourselves alone, we will invariably sell our souls to the highest bidder; we will throw the innocent to the lions, and we will turn a blind eye to the unthinkable: humanity turning on itself for the dominance, greed and comfort of a handful. America, you have become the very monster that you despise! A monster humanity can cope with, for as nations see it approaching, they can best equip themselves for battle and for victory. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, however, is a much harder evil to identify and eradicate.

Where are the marches on the streets of America against Trump and his minions’ infernal devastation and pulverisation of the very pillars that humanity has stood and built on for hundreds of years? If Trump & Co. can disregard and mock hard-won treaties amongst nations and laws established to preserve world peace and prevent tyranny, who is to say any leader in any other democratic country will not follow suit in the future? Trump is setting an incredibly precarious precedent in the word. It is one thing to have the likes of Putin start an illegal war and potentially bully his way through Eastern Europe. It is quite a different beast to witness the democratic leader of the most military able country in the world target nation after nation as a primal display of might and dominance. We left the violent ways of Neolithic tribes behind a long time ago or so I thought!

Where are the self-inflated and self-proclaimed INFLUENCERS (we careful what you wish for) of today? Are the younger generations so blinded by their own egos and pursuits that they cannot see they are missing a once in a lifetime opportunity to use their unique platforms as springboards to bring to account a bully whose actions are shaking to the core the very foundations of civilisation? Influencers, if you have such power over the youth of today, surely you have the tools to shape the world you wish to live in tomorrow. No point in mastering the art of skincare and weight training if you have no sustainable civilisation to thrive on. The time to denounce an evil and seek change is NOW!

I watch the news every day and I am in absolute disbelief at the lack of a public reaction by the thousands of influential public figures and celebrities in the USA. What good is it for a nation to be the most powerful nation in the world if such power is solely used to kill, maim and breed hatred; to turn us all against each other? Some power that is! That kind of power does not belong amid humanity but within the gates of hell. A man who can DEMAND a Nobel prize (did you ever hear of anything so arrogant and childish?) and in the same breath make up all kinds of hollow arguments to justify bombing and murdering thousands of people; blowing up into insignificance hundreds of children whose only fault is to aspire to an education that can provide them their rightful place in the world. Or are Americans more deserving of such rights and liberties than anyone else in the planet? And let’s please not forget what history has taught us repeatedly. This kind of drastic and apocalyptic actions which go unpunished have repercussions which will last for decades to come. Indeed, much of what is going on in Iran today was shaped by the actions taken by some Western countries such as the UK who in the early 1950s sought to control Iran’s oil supply. It is hypocritical and big-headed of certain world leaders to vilify certain nations’ attitudes when they are fully aware that history demonstrates their own countries’ leaders had a big hand in shaping what many of these countries are today. The human cost of this attack on Iran dismissed as collateral damage is blood-curling enough, but don’t even get me started on the environmental cost that Israel’s actions in the last week will bring for decades to come; targeting an oil storage facility in Tehran and in doing so ensuring that water supplies are compromised, not to mention the air that Iranians and their neighbours will breathe for generations. Dear world leaders who think you are so intelligent and mighty, it is blatantly clear you did not think this one through, for you are only shooting yourselves in the foot when you decide to poison the skies and water resources of the world. You self-centred fools! The likes of Trump and Putin may be long gone by the time their own flesh and blood will eventually suffer the consequences of their selfish and thoughtless actions but suffer them they will too.

Furthermore, is it possible this has nothing to do with righting a wrong and everything to do with economic interests such as controlling one of the richest oil nations in the world? Isn’t it a dead giveaway to see the leader of the most powerful nation siding with a deceiving master of genocide, Benjamin Netanyahu? But of course, Trump was intent on going all guns blazing (pardon the pun) and unchallenged from the get-go, and so he partnered with the one and only world leader who is mad enough, selfish and egotistical enough, as is he, to pursue a lethal campaign which is undoubtedly illegal and abhorrent to the rest of the democratic world. Wolves in sheep clothing, we see you!

I was watching Jesse Jackson’s memorial on the news two days ago. A number of very moving and insightful speeches were delivered. I particularly enjoyed the words of Reverend Al Sharpton who said the problem is not Trump but the inaction of Americans who know better than to go about their daily business when they know in their heart that the time to fight for the lofty principles their constitution stands on is NOW, not tomorrow when there will be more destruction and death; not tomorrow when we finally wake up from our slumber and comfort and have the guts to acknowledge that countries like Spain have shown in bundles the true courage needed to stand up to a Goliath, even when his might and power point to the fact that we only stand to lose. Military prowess and superiority do not come close to the power of nations that come united against immorality, illegality and frankly criminality. Has the world not just witnessed another Putin invading another land just because he can and he wants the world to fear and revere his power? Trump is already talking about targeting Cuba next. Hello, is anyone actually listening to his incessant verbal diarrhoea, promising one minute to bring peace to the world and not starting any more wars, and creating a magnitude 9 earthquake across the whole of the Middle East the next, turning neighbour against neighbour, and murdering innocent children and adults alike without even batting an eyelid?

I do not wish for a civil war in America but frankly, I simply cannot neither comprehend nor stomach the silence, submission, and shameful lack of action on the part of the good American people. We have had snippets of some individuals here and there standing up to Trump, but bearing in mind the gravity of the situation the world is in today and the war crimes carried out with impunity, one would hope the majority of America would be crying out in the streets ‘Enough is enough’ and doing everything in their power to stop this utter madness and this self-proclaimed saviour at its helm. American people, if you are crying out, we cannot hear you in the rest of the world. Please cry louder! One person’s actions can alter the fate of the world. History assures us so.

I leave you with one of my favourite poems by Pastor Martin Niemoller:

First they came for the Communists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Communist
Then they came for the Socialists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Socialist
Then they came for the trade unionists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for the Jews
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Jew
Then they came for me
And there was no one left
To speak out for me

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When our hearts become impenetrable

On By aconstanttlearnerIn Acceptance, Anxiety, Betrayal, Challenges, adversity, Character, Compassion, Corona Virus, Covid 19, Deception, dehumanization, Depression, Dignity, Disappointment, EGO, Empathy, Fear, friendship, Healing, Herd mentality, honesty, Human nature, humanity, humility, Integrity, introspection, Intuition, life, Loneliness, Loss, Love, Mental Health, Mob Mentality, Morals, Narcissism, Negativity, Pain, Philosophy, pride, purpose, Relationships, Selfishness, Social Media, Tribalism, twitter18 Comments

The last few weeks have been nothing short of a psychological study for me on twitter. I did not set out to do one, but psychology found me, swept me up in this whirlwind of human need, and I simply could not just watch it all happen and ignore it.

Throughout this whole process, I have screamed, I have ached and cried inconsolably. I have laughed, felt overjoyed, been loved and rejected all at once within the same day. I have despaired and felt waves of stormy anger and frustration engulf me whole. I have been reminded by well-intended friends that social media is a tricky and ferocious animal to handle; that none of it is real and nothing is what it seems, and yet, this advice came at the hands of those who breathe in social media the moment they wake up and do not stop to exhale its poisonous, dubious air until their head hits that pillow. Any advice is rendered ineffective if those giving it conduct themselves in a way that disproves their own wisdom. Of course Social Media is real; a parallel reality it may be, but a reality nevertheless. Its deceitful, pantomime-like and bordering on sinister dark corners, often remind me of a Venetian Carnival where people hide behind the most alluring and exquisite of masks to reinvent themselves and step beyond the boundaries of what they would never contemplate doing or saying in real life. The mask however does not alter the person behind it, not really. It may appear so for a while, but eventually one can truly see the gaze behind the glamour and the glitter; the cracks seeping out past traumas, deep hurts and weakening fears that though deeply hidden, betray our newly found identity & automatically exclude us from the romanticism and Utopian mirage of the Masquerade Ball.

There is much that remains a mystery to me about human behaviour, but I have been able to draw some conclusions from my interaction with a number of people on twitter. Most of all, I have been able to find truth as we often do, by simply stepping away and like a fly on a wall, watch it all unfold; letting individuals show their true character and betray their own perceived integrity when they thought no one was really paying any attention.

I have learnt that at an age when we have all the gadgets and the gizmos, when we can be on the other side of the world on the same day and social media dominates and dictates the lives of so very many, never has our need to feel included and loved been greater. There is an impossibly achy loneliness abounding in the secret chambers of the virtual world. Society, even pre-Covid, has been bleeding out and failing to live up to its definition, because the social element has been abducted from right under our feet and a poor substitute has made islands of each and everyone of us trying to find ourselves and each other. The most alarming element of this phenomenon is the fact that most of us have loving families around us and a network of friends or support of one kind or another and yet, we are the lost faces in a multitudinous crowd crying out for acknowledgement, begging to be heard and understood. There is a desperate need to matter at a time when circumstances have made us finally acknowledge that in the scale of things, between the now and the beyond, we truly matter very, very little, and so we gasp desperately trying to hold on to some sort of significance. The more we realise we are but a grain of sand on the beach, the more egotistical and self-centered we become; the more we veer towards mob mentality instead of accepting each person on their own merit and essence. And of course, the power of social media is boundless and so trends that dominate on the virtual world, irremediably feed into our daily lives, our homes, and ultimately our surroundings. Before we know it, we are turning our society into the most inhospitable place there ever was; an Eden made into a hell, and it is all of our own making.

I have also learnt that at a time when we have more resources than ever; when we are potentially more powerful than ever; we are the weakest beings we have ever been. We lack backbone and deeply rooted convictions. We would rather be a Judas than a Peter; we need to be all things to all people in order to find worth, instead of remembering that it is our uniqueness and not our tribal ancestry that defines us and sets us aside to pursue our own purpose; to make that small difference that no one else can make. We have become cowards that hide behind the group instead of standing on our own two feet when we see injustice, lies and witch-hunts. Our morality and creed blow whichever way the wind takes them. We are chameleons that change colour depending on who is watching. We take a side in an argument with our words but then our actions discredit the very point we have just made. We are in essence regressing to a herd mentality where the blind is leading the blind; where leadership stems from popularity as opposed to integrity tested in the furnace of adversity and going it alone.

I have learnt, and this is the one that has broken me the most, that there are individuals who are indeed beyond rescue. I had two uncles who committed suicide, but I have always believed that what led them to such an unthinkable tragic end was probably a lack of a supportive network or adverse circumstances. Well, I have encountered on twitter individuals who by their own admission are rotten apples, messed up and broken; they hurt others because they simply do not know how to be any other way; they carry deep scars from the past and open wounds that are beyond healing. They look up to people who are no longer around, and they live their lives through their eyes instead of their own. I have learnt that no matter how much light you see still shining within that person; no matter how clear you see the path that they need to follow, nothing will change until they make a decision themselves to break loose from their ghosts and their demons. I have learnt that being rejected by such individuals is not a reflection of my inability to be loved or accepted by them but rather their dismal failure to love, accept and forgive themselves.

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Leaping into the unknown

On By aconstanttlearnerIn Character, Compassion, Empathy, encouragement, friendship, Heart, humility, Integrity, Kindred Spirits, Loss, Love, Soul Mates, Spirituality, The Supernatural, The Unknown12 Comments

My heart leaps at the unmistakable sound of your presence in my inbox. I stare at my phone screen in perpetual disappointment as I realise it is just another email about one more Amazon purchase by the kids. I take the dog for a walk and let the gentle chords of my ‘Hot Acoustic’ playlist transport my mind out of my hopeless impatience, but the phone is playing games with my head once again. I hear the little sound, the eagerly awaited sound that enthuses my spirit at the thought of it being you, letting me know that you remember I exist; that you care and fear for the precipice I find myself standing on the edge of; that you are grateful for my words, my thoughts, my prayers at the news of your own precipice; that you are fully conscious of the fact that thousands of miles cannot keep us apart because I now carry you in my heart and you walk with mine.

I place my phone back in my pocket, disheartened, disillusioned at my own naivety for thinking that I would rate that high on your list of priorities; rank that privileged a position in your affections.  Did I read your words right or was it wishful thinking? Did our souls supernaturally connect and instantly fuse like timber and flame? Did you sense it too, that familiarity of total strangers as if we had shared a lifetime in a different life?

Words are like missiles that perforate the heart irreparably, beyond recognition. The moment they hit you, everything changes and no matter how one tries to retain the old self, it is not there. The metamorphosis has taken place. It is impossible to pick up where you left off because that person has vanished, gone up in the smoke of impact between two souls that though foreign to each other, have entered a perfect dance of seamless intuition, empathy and telepathy. The harmony is such; the comfort in each other’s presence so undeniable, it proves impossible to let go even when the music stops playing. I hang on for dear life, because I know this encounter is extraordinary, perhaps unique. If I cannot hold on to you, let me at least hold on to the memory of you; to your spirit which is more present within me than the words you wrote to me.

I am struggling to get on with my daily grind because I am addicted to that dance; that harmonious exchange of non-judgemental, undiluted goodness and understanding. It is so rare to find a person today with enough humility that all they see is the good in you; they only see the intention, never the mistake. There is such purity, such integrity in a heart like that, hardly seen these dark days of social media frenzy and perpetual witch-hunts. Is it possible to trust someone you barely know more fully than someone you have known most of your life? What is there in that dimension we do not see that can feel so much more real than the things and the people we can hear, see and touch? Is it an illusion of the needy mind or a golden snippet of what we are capable of when we believe there is more to life than this?

Comfortable being afraid

On By aconstanttlearnerIn Christianity, Church, Compassion, Dread, EGO, Empathy, Fear, Fulfilment, God, humility, Narcissism, pride, ramblings, thoughts, introspection,, self fulfilment, self-discovery, Uncategorized5 Comments

‘Comfortable being afraid’ is something I read this morning on https://after-the-rain.org/ and it truly struck a chord deep in my psyche. I can totally relate to that notion! Years ago, a bunch of women including myself who were members of the same church, went on a ‘Ladies Weekend Away’. It was ‘advertised’ as a team-building weekend full of physical and emotional challenges designed to push us beyond our own limitations; to overcome our deepest fears; to build courage and trust. Blinded by years of indoctrination, I swallowed the bait and marched on so proud of myself for putting myself in ‘the line of fire’. I have in my later years grown very afraid of heights, and one of the very first activities we were faced with that weekend was abseiling off a very high bridge above a river. This was it. This was the one: my demon. I let others go first in the hope of watching how they went about leaping over the side of the bridge and beginning their descend. My turn came and even before starting, I was already struggling to breathe; shaking beyond control. Everybody else who had completed the task cheered me on, as did those waiting to have a turn. I put one leg over the side of the bridge, then the other and held on for dear life not daring to look down. The instructor started giving me a pep talk to build me up so I would finally start my descend, but I already knew I was not going to do it.

With every second perched on that bridge ledge came a new wave of suffocating dread. I was utterly paralysed mentally and physically. Couldn’t bring myself to move either way, even though I was already trying to get back on the safe side of the bridge. I burst into tears. I guess it was the huge release I needed to bring me back to myself; I was totally inconsolable once I stepped back into safety. I don’t remember ever crying like that before. Afterwards, I felt dead inside, numb.

As I stood there beaten, ashamed, watching others march on without any fear towards what had been for me a horrific ordeal, I heard one of the ladies ask a question to the vicar’s wife, who happened to have organised this weekend away and had been to this same Activities Centre previously and was therefore well rehearsed in all the activities and confident in her ability to ‘conquer her fears ( didn’t have any)’. I heard this lady ask the vicar’s wife: What happened to Mercedes? Did she do it?, and the vicar’s wife replied with great pride and a shockingly disgusting lack of Christian spirit and empathy: ‘No she didn’t, she chickened out‘.

I don’t know what broke me more int that instant: the realisation that I was always going to have certain fears which I would never overcome, or knowing that so many in the ‘Evangelical Squad’ can be so profoundly clueless as to use an opportunity like this to exalt themselves (not the God they preach to others about), ridicule another person, and further beat them when they are already down.

It took me a while longer to abandon the church system for good, but I know it was in that very instant that I realised the God I believe in was not to be found around those who claim to have all the answers; those who claim to have been called to leadership of any kind; those who proclaim one thing but do quite another. I realised God’s Spirit (and I use that term loosely because I accept that it means very different things to different people) lives within me and it is that voice and that alone I need to heed to and trust.

I also learnt at that very moment a huge lesson about fear. I am not to be ashamed of being scared of doing the things that others can or want to do; ashamed of letting fear stop me from taking on certain new challenges. Who is to say the challenges that are right for you must also be right for me? I do hope, however, that I never lose the ability to be paralysed when tempted to trample down on another human being in their moment of greatest weakness in order to make myself look grandiose to everyone else; to validate my self-perceived greatness. I hope that for every person I encounter in my life who is struggling in any way, I don’t use their weakness as a chance for point-scoring, but rather as an opportunity to lift them up, offer them comfort and a shoulder to lean on; to cry on.

Our biggest fear shouldn’t be not being able to do certain things; to miss certain opportunities; to fail at certain things. Our biggest fear should be becoming so caught up in our own sense of advancement, righteousness and knowledge that we forget we are just human beings not Gods. Is it really courage that makes us overcome our greatest fears or is it pride that makes us think of ourselves higher than we ought to; pride that gives us the determination to beat our own limits, because we cannot bring ourselves to accept that we are after all limited beings?

There is a reason why we experience fear. We are imperfect beings without all the answers. We are lost creatures in the midst of a vast unknown. Being fearless means losing sight of that awareness and dangerously inflating, stroking our egos; it means we forget ourselves and set ourselves above others whom we no longer see as equals but as the rivals we need to beat in order to protect our own and others’ notion of our superiority.

I am very comfortable these days being afraid. It keeps me grounded. It keeps me humble. I take risks and chances like everybody else, and of course sometimes I make mistakes, but I remain rooted in the awareness of my many limitations, and when I do attempt new scary things, I always try not to trample on others in my pursuit for self development, self-fulfillment, self-discovery.